


Trashmouth Goes Silent

by ahale



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Everyone Gets Mad At Him, Everything With IT Still Happened, I’ll probably rewrite this, M/M, Richie Leaves, Sad Richie, Trashmouth, rewritten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 03:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahale/pseuds/ahale
Summary: "And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one 'cause most of us are bitter over someone."Richie Tozier loved only to have his heart broken.





	Trashmouth Goes Silent

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> This has been rewritten! A part two will be added soon :)

If there's anything that anyone knows about Richie Tozier, it's that he's a talker. He's loud, makes too many inappropriate jokes, and talks in weird accents. However, there's something they don't know. Somethings that maybe his friends know, but don't know the depth of. He uses his voice and humor to bury the confusing, scary emotions that he tries so hard to keep hidden.

He hides when he's sad, which is actually a lot. He feels unwanted, not good enough. Hell, maybe it was due to the years of neglect from his parents or maybe it was just his brain making his life miserable. Whatever it was, he swallows it down and pushes through. He hides his fear, his insecurities. He hides the fact that the words that Henry Bowers and his gang torment him with are true. 

So yeah, humor was like his coping mechanism, his clutch. He used it when ever he would look at the smaller, hypochondriac he calls his best friend. He uses a crude 'your mom' joke to stop the feelings from pouring out of his mouth. He knows he isn't supposed to feel this way about him. His best friend, a boy nonetheless. So, he pushes and pushes and pushes until he can almost ignore it. 

That worked. Until It came. He was breathing hard, laying on the wet grass. _I know your secret. _His hearts beating so fast, and he feels sick to his stomach. _Your dirty little secret_. The one thing that scares him more than anything, the one thing that makes him skip out on a game of truth or dar, the one thing he has tried so desperately to hide. 

He thought that when It was gone, it's go back to how it was. He'd laugh, joke, ignore the feeling his freckled best friend gave him. They didn't. If anything, the feelings grew stronger. He was jumpy, and he was terrified someone would find out. That everyone would find out, and he'd finally be completely alone.

On a whim one hot, August night, he decides fuck it and climbs in the window of Eddie Kaspbrak to confront his feelings. Eddie jumps from where he's sitting on his bed. His eyebrows furrowed as he stands up, walking over to him. He's in a loose shirt thats a bit too big on him, and Richie can't stop staring. 

"Richie, what the fuck?" Eddie whisper-yelled, "It's like, 1 AM what are you doing here?" 

Eddie expected a 'I came to see your mom', but for once, Richie Tozier was completely speechless. Eddie was even more confused, and started getting worried. "Rich, wh.." 

Richie kissed him.

It only lasted a second, Eddie jumping back. Richie looked at Eddie, and the look on his face said everything words couldn't explain. He knew, that was the night he lost his best friend. 

He quickly turned around, tears falling from his eyes. He knew he shouldn't have done that, he knew. He jumped into his beaten up truck, driving away without hesitation.

Eddie didn't call after him.

Things were different after that. Eddie wouldn't look at him anymore, wouldn't talk to him. He figured that was coming. Bill glared at him in the hallways, and he never left Eddie's side. Richie figured they might hate him, but he didn't think they'd express it so much. Richie called, tried to talk to him, but it never worked. 

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Mike and Ben stopped talking to him too. They wouldn't make eye contact with him in class and they walked the other way when he came up to them. He would've thought maybe they would've stayed. But, who is he kidding, he was the least liked by them anyways,

Beverly stayed for a bit. They weren't as close, but he expected that. She was Bill's girlfriend, after all. They had things in common, he supposes, with the shitty parents and all. Slowly, but surely, she stopped too. 

Stanley stayed the longest. He tried so hard, to be there for Richie. He gave, and gave, but Richie didn't return. He knew it wouldn't take long for him to follow Bill and the others. Maybe he didn't know yet. 

But see, while Stanley was always annoyed by Richie, he loved him. He was one of his best friends, and he kind of liked Richie for the way he was. He brought humor, light into their group. He knew something was up. But, eventually, he gave up.

It was October now. Richie started smoking. One a day turned into three, three turned into six, and eventually, he was almost at a pack a day. Soon, he started skipping class. It was a big red flag for his ex-friends, well, the ones that cared. Richie loved school. Despite being loud and disruptive, he enjoyed learning. He was always active in class, talking and answering questions. 

Soon, he stopped. He didn't answer questions anymore. He didn't make jokes, didn't laugh at one if someone else said something. He didn't even have anymore comebacks for the bullies. Then, out of nowhere, he just stopped showing up. He couldn't take seeing his old friends, laugh and smile with each other. Richie buries himself in cigarettes and old blankets, only getting up to smoke or use the bathroom.

A few weeks later when it was nearing Halloween, he's having an okay day. He get's out of bed, takes a shower, brushes his teeth, and eats breakfast. He doesn't know what caused this, but he's going to use it for good. 

He passes parents sleeping downstairs, walking out into the cold air. It doesn't take long for him to get to school, and for once, he's happy to be there. However, that changes when he glances at the bike rack to see his old friends standing there. They're not looking at him, they don't even acknowledge him. At that moment, everything comes back and hits him like a rock. He chokes back a sob, and gets out of his truck. He walks over to the side of the building, pulling out a cigarette. 

Beverly's there. He keeps his head down, lighting his cigarette, standing up against the wall. He ignores her looks. He knows he looks bad, worse than he ever has. He's pale, paler than usual. He's lost weight, and he has dark circles under his eyes. His hairs grown out a lot, starting to curl. 

"I didn't know you smoked." Beverly said, breaking the silence. Richie shrugged. No one's talked to him in months, and he hasn't talked in months, and he doesn't plan on it.

"We miss you, you know." Richie scoffed at that. "It's just, we know you love to joke, but that was a really shitty thing to do, you know? Even for you, Rich." 

Richie's head snapped up, exhaling the smoke. Beverly was taken back by the coldness of his eyes. "What the fuck are you on about, Beverly?"

She furrowed her eyebrows, putting out her cigarette. "The kiss? With Eddie?" She said, making him freeze. "You knew he was already struggling with his sexuality, especially after... It." 

Richie felt tears prickling at his eyes. A joke? "You know, I would've thought, with all we've bene through together." He laughed, making her take a step back. "You all would've known me better than that."

Footsteps made him turn his head, and he chuckled. Speak of the devil, he thought. The rest of the losers club was standing in front of them, no doubt here to get Beverly. Bill was glaring at him, no surprise there. The rest were standing there like they didn't know what to do, while Eddie just looked at the ground.

Bill opened his mouth to speak, but Richie beat him to it. "How long?" He asked

Everyone looked confused at that. "How fucking long have we been friends for?" 

Eddie, Bill, and Stan looked up at him, wondering where he was going with this. Richie wiped the tears that started to fall. He knew the bell was going to ring soon. He brought his attention towards Eddie, looking him in the eyes. "I loved you, you know?"

Everyone froze. "I loved you so fucking much, Eddie Kaspbrak. I loved all of you, but not like I loved him. You know, you weren't the only one going through that? It's been so fucking long that I don't even remember where the feelings started."

Eddie's mouth was hanging open, Beverly looked like she wanted to cry, and the rest looked extremely guilty. "You asked me what I was afraid of a few months ago, when It was here, remember? I said clowns." He chuckles. "No, it was my feelings for boys. It was my feelings for you, and boy did he love to use that one against me. Do me a favor, Eddie? Take a walk down the kissing bridge." Richie wasn't crying anymore. He felt numb, empty.

"Damn, I thought you guys were my best friends. But to think I would ever do something like that, to any of you? Maybe we weren't"

Stan and Bill physically flinched at that. Eddie was in tears. "'Chee..." He started. Richie looked at him, right in his eyes. He felt everything he has every felt in that very moment, and he knew what he was going to do. 

"Don't call me that."

He walked away from his childhood best friends, the only person he will ever actually love.

\- 

It was a hot, August day when Richie was abandoned by his best friends, the people needed the most. It was the first time Richie Tozier felt completely, utterly alone. It was the day the trash mouth went silent.

It was a cold, October day when Richie Tozier left Derry. He left his friends crying and feeling guilty by the side of the school, his parents who acted as if they didn't have a kid. His friend's rushed to his house that day, only to be meet with an empty driveway and an empty closet.

It was a cold, October that Richie Tozier lost the memories he had of his friends, and they were never the same without him.

Little did they know, they would see him again 27 years later.


End file.
